Short Posts

Be not offended, be blessed

Why are people so easily offended?
One wrong pronoun and the world’s upended
What is what and who is who
Nothing’s wrong with me, it must be you
Now is that truth or just a lie?
A mere belief that some decry

Truth is certain and should remain
But it keeps changing
To appease some people’s gain
There’s one absolute truth that’s firm and fast
It’s God’s true word, and only it will last

God as a man, He came to be
To save us from humanity
He was mocked and beat, bled and died
Nails driven through, he was crucified

Would you do that for your own cause?
Next time you’re offended, stop and pause
Is it worth the offense that you may feel
From someone’s word or thought or zeal?

What to take personal is God’s love for you
Along with His death and resurrection too
No one will ever love you like this
He took all offense with a traitor’s kiss

Use God’s Word to find your way
And be not offended by what people say
Then you’ll be free, no more distressed
You’ll live life full, happy and blessed!

We cannot be happy unless we are realistic and truthful. Moreover, reality and truth are God’s standards we must live up to. When we corrupt or compromise them, we destroy our happiness. Therefore, to be real, be true, and be happy we must think beyond our emotions. Here are nine situations to think about regarding your reality, your truth, and your happiness.

• Organisms that create offspring through sexual reproduction have chromosomes that are XX or XY (female or male). This includes human beings.
• Moms teach children how to connect with others. Dads teach children how to safely explore the world. Both show children how to love and trust. Therefore, moms and dads are equally important, and children need both.
• Babies have survival instincts at least eight months before they’re born.
• Church is people who serve God. A democratic government is elected people who serve to protect people including those who serve God. How then, can church and government really be separate?
• God made people. Why do some people make themselves god?
• Artificial intelligence is an unnatural mind.
• Human bodies were created to move. Humans have more movable parts that can bend, flex, tense, relax, twist, turn, rotate, pivot, and stretch than any other creature or object.  So, how can anyone think motivating people to not move, e.g. getting paid for not working, is a good thing?
• History is a barometer that allows us to measure our improvements. How can we improve if we revise or cancel it? (Psalm 78: 3-4)
• The family unit is what society becomes.

Be real be true be happy

Are Smart Devices Making Us Stupid?

Most adults, teens, and children own or use some kind of device that’s labeled “smart.” Clearly, calling a manufactured device “smart” slipped by the Woke aficionados. Addressing an inanimate object as “smart” is insulting to human beings. Could the message be people who use smart devices are stupid?

Even if there’s no intentional insult, I bet you know a lot of people, and you may even be one, who’ve done some foolish things while using or because of a smart device.

Back in the day, we were more conscious about doing things. For example, watching TV required intentional thought:

1. You walked over to the TV to change stations or adjust the volume.
2. To change the channel from 4 to 11, you’d think about the most efficient direction to turn the nob.
3. You had to figure out the antenna position that got the best reception.

Nowadays, you can use voice commands to change TV channels and volume, turn on your lights, regulate your temperature, hear the weather report, or listen to specific kinds of music. In addition, “smart” washing machines, dryers, ovens, and cars require less thinking. It’s all to make your life simpler.

In truth, all this “smart” stuff is making us simpler-minded. When you don’t have to think, you don’t activate your thinking brain. And, when your thinking brain isn’t active, you lose functionality. Your problem-solving skills become dull, you have less rational thought, and you do less critical thinking. This lull in logic allows the emotional brain to flare up. Now, do you wonder why we’ve become such an emotionally charged society?

Emotions are the antithesis of intellect. Emotions by themselves are irrational, transient, and variable. Intellect by itself is logical, long-standing, and fixed. When one mind is more active than the other, we get off balance, and chaos ensues. Therefore, if we’re thinking less, we’re emoting more.

Unfortunately, emotions that occur without thinking are our natural ones. They include fear, anger, contempt, shame, and guilt. Therefore, we can also say that “smart” devices make us unhappy.

Happiness comes from thinking. We make a conscious choice to have peace. Gratitude, which brings us joy, comes from evaluation and reason. Conscious awareness leads to satisfaction. And contentment is a deliberate commitment. This mindfulness is the smart way to be happy.

We should appreciate the devices that make our lives easier and provide us with entertainment. But remember, human intelligence created those devices, and God created human intelligence. So, don’t rely on someone else’s intelligence to think for you. Instead, activate your brain: Go back to remembering phone numbers, send handwritten notes, talk to each other and make eye contact, limit and structure your time on social media, constantly thank God for what you have and that you can do your own thinking. Be smarter than your “smart” devices and you’ll be happier!

Life isn’t fair is not a concept. It is a fact of life. However, many people are more distressed by it than accepting. Read this short poem for insight into why unfairness is beneficial to all of us.

For a more detailed look at why life isn’t fair, read Post #29. You will learn what causes unfairness and how happy people and unhappy people perceive and manage unfairness.

Blessed be you!

Life isn’t fair

Life isn’t fair is nothing new. It started with Adam and Eve. Right after they decided to disobey God and eat the fruit, unfairness was born. Our ability to make choices leads us to unfairness. While freewill was given to us out of God’s love for us, that same freewill gives us the opportunity to choose right or wrong, good or bad. Even if we make a choice based on what we think is right, it might not be right for someone else. 

The key to fairness is obedience to God. However, most of us struggle with that. Obedience goes against our nature. Therfore, to be truly obedient, we must value God. We must be disciplined and more committed to Him than ourselves.

We perpetuate our unfairness. Many people create more unfairness by trying to correct existing unfairness. Accept that life isn’t fair and learn how to manage it through God’s word and love. 

Take the gratitude pledge for a happier new year.

Okay, it’s established that 2020 was a challenging year.  But, was it really ALL bad?  People died, people were born, people got sick, and people got well, people got divorced, and people got married.  Some people lost jobs; some people gained employment.  I think the most challenging part of 2020 was the media – both social and news.  Truthfully, how good were they?

While we use the term media to refer to the dissemination of information, media is also “a nutrient system for the artificial cultivation of cells or organisms and especially bacteria.”  You choose which definition fits with today’s information environment.

The Antidote for Dis-ease

The media almost forces us to believe the worst about everything.  It’s easy to get infected with its artificial cultivation of germs and become dis-eased.  But, you can promote better health and be more at ease.  One of the antidotes to this dis-ease and its adverse effects is gratitude.

Benefits of Gratitude

Gratitude has excellent benefits.  Research shows that being thankful improves physical and mental health and relationships.  It increases financial opportunities, reduces anxiety and depression, and helps you sleep better.  But this is not new.  Look at the story of Jesus healing the ten lepers.  They asked for healing and Jesus honored their request.  But, only one of the ten came back to thank him.

One in Ten Ratio for Appreciation

Jesus teaches us the importance of gratitude, as he mentioned the other nine.  Perhaps this indicates the ratio of people who show appreciation to be 1:10.  Imagine if we changed that ratio to 10:10.

Don’t you feel better when someone thanks you for something kind you did for them?  Make this a feel better year.  Show your gratitude to God and others even when you don’t feel like it.  Find something to be grateful for.  There’s always something or someone worthy of appreciation.  (Your ancestors, perhaps.)

Be Actively Thankful

Impress your gratitude to others.  Acknowledge other people’s kindness with a hand-written thank you note or telephone call.  Emails and text messages are NOT impressive.  If someone made an effort to serve you in kindness, at least you can make an effort to be thankful for it.  Be actively grateful – the Samaritan Jesus healed didn’t just shout back, “Thanks, Buddy!”  He ran back to Jesus, lay down, and thanked Him.

Be Grateful, Be Happier

Start your day with gratitude.  Remember, each morning you wake up, your subconscious mind (the mind responsible for feelings of fear, anger, contempt, shame, and guilt) has been awake all night.  Therefore, you wake to negative emotions.  Overcome those negative emotions by waking up your conscious mind to pleasant thoughts using gratitude.  Thank God for a new day and new opportunities.  You’ll set yourself up for a happier day!  Do this every day and you’ll set yourself up for a happier year!

Commit to being thankful, take the Gratitude Pledge!

Live in fear or live in faith is a conflict we face on a daily basis because of who we are and how we were created. We choose the way we want to live. Despite the results of living in fear, people seem to be good at it – perhaps even using it to their advantage. But, this wasn’t God’s inent. To live a happy life, we must overcome fear with faith.

Fear is a natural emotion that keeps us alive and should be utilized only as needed. We are smart enough to know when to be afraid. But, many of us seem to forget that.

Besides being afraid for legitimate reasons, we create our own fear by anticipating the worst, worrying, having a negative attitude, and talking more negatively than positively.

Others Create Fear for Us

I’ve been studying how God provides all our needs because I didn’t have a complete understanding; until recently. A couple of weeks ago, all this social distancing finally got to me. No hugs, touch, or closeness left me (whose love language is touch) feeling bereft of connection. So, like many mornings as I drive to work, I had my conversation with God. Of course, I didn’t tell him anything He didn’t already know. But, I vented my frustration anyway. I know He listened because like always, I could feel His peace.

Be Grateful Even When You Vent

I also know gratitude is a gateway to happiness. Therefore, when I vent about something, I’ve made it a habit to follow it with gratitude. I find something to be grateful for. Sometimes I thank God I have a speaking voice I can use to talk. That morning I thanked God for listening, my good health, being able to work, the car I was driving to work, and a few other things. I got myself so excited that I told God I just wanted to give Him a big hug. I chuckled and told Him how difficult it was to hug the spirit. He laughed with me.

I know I’m taking a risk saying I can hear God talk to me. But, it’s true. It’s the still, quiet but strong voice that comes from deep inside. One time I heard Joyce Meyer say something like, “When we talk to God it’s called prayer and when God talks to us it’s called crazy.” Nevertheless, I love my conversations with God.

I went on to tell God how much I needed a hug and wanted to be able to hug Him. But, I needed something tangible. He replied, “I got you.” And, I said, “I know!” Then, went about my business.

About forty minutes later, I met my first client for the day. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes then settled in for a conversation. Out of the blue, my client got up and said, “I have something I for you.” As she reached her clutched hand out towards me, she explained that someone who was very close to her but had since passed gave it to her. And, she wanted me to have it. Then, she placed it in my hand. It was a little wooden cross to put in my pocket.

I was amazed! Joy just bubbled up in me as I exclaimed how incredible God is. I explained to my client that I had just asked God for something tangible to hug Him. The little cross was it!

God Provides All We Need

God knows what we need before we ask. And, he is ready to provide us with them. However, we might not picture them the way He does. So, we must open our minds and hearts to Him and know He will always “get us” and gives us what’s best. Pray confidently to God and thank Him in advance. Always be grateful and you will never be unsatisfied.

Read Post #23 for Details on How to Get Your Needs Met

Emotional Needs Make Us Happy But God Provides All Our Needs:   

Our Needs for Happiness – Summary of what we need to make us happy. Read Post #22 for detailed explanations of these needs.

Emotional Needs Affect Our Happiness

We inherently know what we need. But, like colors, we must learn to identify them. We must also learn how to get our needs met and how to behave when we don’t get them.

Parents are the primary suppliers and teachers of our needs. If they were adequate providers and teachers, we grow to feel adequate. Parents who failed to fulfill their children’s needs leave their children feeling inadequate and needless.

While our physical needs sustain our lives, our emotional needs nourish our elements of happiness. In addition, we learn how valuable, acceptable, and loveable we are by how well our needs were met.

20 Emotional Needs Common To All of Us

Just like our need for food and water varies, so does what we need for our emotional health. I’ve identified 20 emotional needs common to all of us. A quick explanation of each need follows.

Safety and Security

Safety and security are the basis for trust. When we feel safe and secure, we are free to pursue and explore. Safety and security allow us to get out of our nature.

Touch

Touch has healing power. It brings about good health and good emotions. Touch is the first sensory system to mature. Hugs are an especially helpful form of touch. Researchers advise that we should get 4-12 hugs per day.

Attention

If we don’t get attention, we won’t get our physical needs met. As infants, a lack of attention is a matter of life or death. This induction of fear locks us into survival mode and we will behave like everything is a crisis.

Too much attention makes us too important and we become self-centered. Too little attention makes us unimportant and we become self-oriented. We need the right amount and the right kind of attention.

Acceptance

Acceptance is necessary for autonomy. And, autonomy leads to freedom of choice and accountability.

Support

Support requires action. Sometimes we need someone to pick us up when we fall or fail so we can move towards success. Support allows us to develop empathy for others.

To be Nurtured

Nurtured is not synonymous with coddling. When we are nurtured we our trained and our abilities, skills, and talents are developed. This encouragement for growth requires pruning and curtailing which can be painful but makes us more fruitful.

To be Listened To

When we are not listened to, we get the message we aren’t worth people’s time and attention. We need to be listened to so we can be valued, better guided, and better adjusted. It helps us learn how to regulate our emotions which allows us to make better decisions.

Discipline

Many people resist discipline because they associate it with restriction, deprivation, and punishment. Discipline is synonymous with self-control. We learn self-control by doing critical thinking.

Discipline means trained or learned by instruction or correction. Discipline leads to freedom from fear, shame, and guilt. It cultivates respect.

Guidance

Guidance heads us in the right direction. There is no map for us to follow in our lives. Therefore, we need direction from those who have more knowledge and are wiser. Guidance directs us to success.

To Accomplish

Accomplishment gives us a sense of self-satisfaction. It allows us to receive good feedback. When we work to accomplish something, we learn to ask for help, learn how to succeed, and learn how to fail. We become a productive member of the group.

Humor

Humor consists of laughter. Research has proven laughter contributes to good physical and mental health.

To Play and Have Fun

Playing and having fun is what kids do. But, it shouldn’t stop in childhood. Playing and having fun relaxes our bodies and minds, and teaches cooperation. It teaches us how to win and lose.

The Ability to Grieve

The grief process is miserable and occurs when we lose. We are not wired to lose. So, we don’t like to talk about it. Therefore, we aren’t taught how to lose but expected to handle it well when it happens.

Our first experience with grief occurs when we are told, “No.” When children don’t get what they want, they lose out and go through the phases of grief. These minor losses teach them how to manage disappointment instead of fearing it. Grief builds integrity.

Truth

“The truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32 NIV) We need to know the truth and to be truthful so we are free to be ourselves in Christ. The truth maintains our humility, reality, and honesty. These are important for us to have inner peace and maintain strong relationships.

Loyalty

Loyalty means we can count on someone to have our back and vice versa. It sets up devotion and commitment.

Freedom

Freedom is the basis for independence. It allows us to grow and prosper.

Privacy

Privacy gives us the opportunity to renew our minds. We meditate and converse with God in private. Privacy prevents us from being boastful.

Gratitude

When we are grateful, we realize how much good we have and we are happier. Gratitude towards others gives them honor.

Spirituality

Spirituality takes us out of our nature. It makes us more mindful and gives us hope. It is necessary for us to be happy.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is the kind of love everyone needs and wants. But, many times the love we get is conditional. Relationships based on the “If….then…” principle, people who hold grudges, and people who mistreat us are conditional lovers. Imagine if God loved this way. What would your life look like?

God Fulfills Our Needs

God gives us what we need to be happy. Therefore, when someone lets us down by not fulfilling our emotional needs, we just need to ask God. We must give Him attention, listen to Him, and be grateful. Then, He will fill us with all we need.

Needs For Happiness Summary:  

Have you ever been blamed for not making someone happy? Or, have you ever blamed someone for not making you happy? Have you ever used your situation as an excuse to be unhappy? If you answered, “yes” to any of these questions, you’re probably closer to the truth about being happy than you think. This post-ette tells you why answering, “yes” to these questions shows you the truth about being happy.

Before I go on, a quick summary of the untruths we learned about being happy (from my previous post-ette) are:  that we must depend on other people to make us happy; we have to make other people happy; our circumstances determine our happiness.

Parents Are Responsible For Teaching the Truth

We begin our lives depending on other people (i.e. parents) to satisfy our needs. But, around age two, as we launch into our first phase of independence (“The Terrible Twos”), we should also start to learn how to make ourselves happy. Parents are responsible for teaching us how to do this. They teach us through discipline and integrity while validating us by meeting our physical and emotional needs. This is how we learn the truth about being happy. However, if we had any type of dysfunction in our families, the truth was dispelled.

The Truth About Dysfunction

Dysfunction originated alongside original sin. It’s our natural cause and effect of tragedy and hardship. A person might have become an alcoholic because he had no support after a devastating life event. But, his alcoholism causes hardships for himself, his family, and society.

There is no need for dysfunction nowadays. Our knowledge, God’s word, and awareness along with the medical and technological advancements and the numerous resources and support for physical, emotional, and mental issues can prevent problems and help people heal from disasters. So, why does dysfunction still exist?

My answer: Because people choose to live in the natural over the spiritual. They supersede God with themselves and their own desires.

Much of today’s dysfunction is man-made. It’s caused by irresponsible parents and people; people who dwell in their nature. This causes abuse and neglect, divorce, cohabiting parents, and overindulging and permissive parents. Dysfunction occurs when there is a lack of discipline, weakened integrity, and adulterated validity.

Discipline, Integrity, and Validity are Vehicles That Move Us

To diminish dysfunction and increase your happiness you must move from the natural to the spiritual. The vehicles for this move are discipline, integrity, and validity.

Discipline

Discipline comes from the word, “disciple.” When we practice discipline, we practice the ways of Jesus. We use self-control to train our emotions so we can be content no matter what. Discipline also allows us to make better decisions that have happier outcomes.

Integrity

Wikipedia defines integrity as “The practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values.” When we practice integrity, we are responsible and committed. We follow through and are steadfast.  We are accountable for ourselves and allow others to be the same. Integrity is one of the most important lessons to teach children.

Validity

Validity comes from the Latin word, “Validus” meaning strong. According to the Cambridge Online Dictionary, validity is, “the quality of being based on truth or reason, or of being able to be accepted.” Validity is mostly used in regard to research, theories, and concepts. But, we have validity because God is truth. As children of God, we are based on truth. So, we have validity.

Discipline, Integrity, and Validity – The Truth About Being Happy

When we practice discipline, maintain integrity, and acknowledge our validity, we are true to ourselves and to others. Therefore, we set ourselves up to be happy, let other people choose to be happy, and know how to be happy no matter the circumstances. When parents practice these values, they teach their children the truth about being happy.

• If you’ve ever been blamed for not making someone happy, that is a bogus accusation. Discipline tells you each of us has self-control. Therefore we control our own happiness. It would be rude to control someone else’s happiness.
• If you’ve ever blamed someone for not making you happy, that is also a bogus pretense. Integrity tells you that each of us is committed to our own happiness. No one can follow through with your commitment.
• If you believe your circumstances determine your happiness, validity tells you since you are based on truth and God is truth, no matter what your circumstances, God is within you. You can rely on His comfort and strength.  You can have joy, peace, love, freedom, satisfaction, and/or contentment no matter what.

Maintain discipline, integrity, and validity and you will be happier while giving others the freedom to be the same!

The Truth About Being Happy:  

Many of us grew up with the wrong idea about happiness — the sad truth about being happy. It’s the sad truth because sadly, it is what we learned to be true about happiness. And, when we practice what we learned we actually get sad. Here are the myths and lies we learned. They are the sad truth about being happy:

• Some people are just born happy
• Happiness is a feeling of excitement and bliss
• Other people are supposed to make us happy
• We need to make other people happy
• Our circumstances determine our happiness

Why These Are Myths and Lies

No one is born happy. If babies were born happy, they wouldn’t communicate their needs and perish. Some people are born with a more pleasant disposition and more optimistic, but happiness is not natural. It is counterintuitive, making it something we must thoughtfully seek.

Our ability to think gives us the ability to seek, experience, and maintain happiness.

Excitement and Bliss

Excitement and bliss are good for short periods of time.  Imagine trying to maintain that heightened feeling of ecstasy for any length of time.  It would become too much of a chore and be exhausting.  Happiness is more than a feeling.  It is a state of mind or a condition where we can experience excitement and bliss, but also have an overall sense of well-being.  It’s where we deeply experience joy, peace, and love, freedom, satisfaction, and contentment.

Other People Make Us Happy

When is the last time someone made you happy?  Even God didn’t make us happy.  God is happy with what He made and He made us to be happy.  God gave us gifts that make us happy but only is we use them.  This includes the gift of free will.  We can even choose it if we want to be happy.

We Try to Make Other People Happy

The truth about needing to make other people happy is that we’re trying to fulfill what we need instead of paying attention to other people’s needs.  If we make other people happy, we feel safer and more secure.  And, we are happier.  When we try to make other people happy, we are forcing them into something and taking away their freedom to choose happiness for themselves.  In truth, we are dictators.

Our Conditions Determine Our Happiness

If you are only happy when all the conditions for you are right, you are at the mercy of other people and nature. You’ve given up your free will and put your personal responsibility on someone or something else.  You’ve become irresponsible and set yourself up for guaranteed misery.

Learn the Truth

To be happy, happier, or the happiest you can be, you must learn, accept, and practice the truth.  The first step is to stop believing the lies and start learning the truth.  Read the next post-ette to learn the truth for being happy.

Posts to Read For Further Understanding

Read Posts #14 and #15 for more in-depth understanding.

The Sad Truth About Being Happy: